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  • If vodka was water and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and never come up! But vodka's not water, and I'm not a duck, so hand me that bottle and shut the fuck up~

    Submitted by kyui14 on Oct 18, 10 at 1:06am
    264 133
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  • Not sure, what's the saying about stealing from Patton Oswalt's twitter feed from 10/8?\n\nhttp://twitter.com/pattonoswalt

    Submitted by Verchiel on Oct 17, 10 at 2:34pm
    238 164
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  • Vicodin before scotch, urine on crotch, scotch before vicodin, dick in a pumpkin

    Submitted by pfistergood on Oct 17, 10 at 2:35pm
    230 188
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  • Who the fuck is Patton Oswalt? Maybe the person was legit asking the question...as in, they'd heard of it from this nobody the same way you did and actually couldn't remember how it went. Ever think of that? Jackasses, all of you.

    Submitted by its118AM on Oct 17, 10 at 8:15pm
    211 152
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  • vicodin, really? try some OC.

    Submitted by erk123 on Oct 17, 10 at 11:31pm
    135 133
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  • Vicodin before scotch, urine on crotch, scotch before vicodin, dick in a pumpkin

    Submitted by pfistergood on Oct 17, 10 at 2:36pm
    140 149
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  • Vicodin before scotch. Enjoy the hospitals watch

    Submitted by belansky907 on Oct 17, 10 at 10:41pm
    134 140
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  • Jam it in when she's on top

    Submitted by sledhead753 on Oct 18, 10 at 12:00am
    115 105
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  • Vicodin before scotch, I steal lines from patton oswalt, cause I'm a shitty person who has no creativity. I'm sure that's how it goes.

    Submitted by R2DeepThroat on Oct 17, 10 at 6:39pm
    133 150
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  • Makes one tastey crotch

    Submitted by Intimidator1 on Oct 17, 10 at 2:29pm
    128 140
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  • Kyui14 I'm putting that on a shirt!

    Submitted by jb12125 on Oct 18, 10 at 10:05pm
    118 124
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  • To hell with Vicodin... Roxycodone 30 mgs is what's up

    Submitted by Poop_Poop on Oct 18, 10 at 12:23am
    123 144
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  • Vicodin before Scotch,\nYou're out like a rock.

    Submitted by kitty777 on Oct 17, 10 at 2:58pm
    124 146
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  • my life will I botch.

    Submitted by FrieGuy58 on Oct 17, 10 at 8:09pm
    112 131
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  • Why are you binge drinking scotch? Don't you have some cheap UV that still needs to be finished?

    Submitted by kgnightiloveu on Oct 18, 10 at 11:47am
    114 136
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  • Vicodin before scotch, tonights gonna rock, scotch before Vicodin we're gonna fight again.

    Submitted by james217 on Oct 18, 10 at 11:14am
    113 135
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  • puke you will not!!!!

    Submitted by LizzieD on Oct 18, 10 at 9:36am
    107 125
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  • Vicodin before scotch or its like a kick in the crotch.

    Submitted by DustinMcPotHead on Oct 18, 10 at 1:05am
    112 137
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  • i want to taste your crotch

    Submitted by Jeremiah7272 on Oct 17, 10 at 2:43pm
    118 154
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  • Can't use your crotch

    Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 17, 10 at 2:25pm
    114 147
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  • ...it comes out your crotch.

    Submitted by MsNissa on Oct 17, 10 at 4:11pm
    105 131
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  • Will tear your dick apart

    Submitted by bpack on Oct 17, 10 at 10:42pm
    103 145
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  • kyui14- you are my hero

    Submitted by lastnight130 on Dec 31, 10 at 9:44am
    89 128
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  • http://tinyurl.com/2ezaqgj. It was Patton Oswalt. Too bad Michigan lacks creativity enough to think of their own texts...

    Submitted by hertoxiclove on Oct 17, 10 at 3:57pm
    102 157
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  • Kyui14: I had never heard that...love it!!!!!

    Submitted by kleigh426 on Oct 25, 10 at 4:45am
    87 132
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  • And there's cum on your crotch...

    Submitted by turbo101 on Oct 18, 10 at 4:07pm
    98 161
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