I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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