So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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