he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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