we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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