i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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