I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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