life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize