Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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