his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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