you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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