I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
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Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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