if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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