I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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