maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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