I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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