can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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