At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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