My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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