Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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