So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We need to get me chipped asap
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize