actually, I'm a sock model
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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