well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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