I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
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It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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