Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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