I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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