There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
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i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
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he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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