Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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