apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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