Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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