this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
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I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
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I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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