Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
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Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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