Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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