i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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