we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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