You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just forgot I was standing up.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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