i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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