so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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