even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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