What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
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For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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