tell your sister to shave her snatch
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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