mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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