it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
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I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
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Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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