this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize