I skipped work to stalk him.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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