I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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