Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
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i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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