Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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