Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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