Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize